Showing Emotion by Robin Patchen


Today’s we feature a guest post by Robin Patchen. She is a writer and blogger and has a new book out, Finding Amanda. You are invited to enjoy her article and explore all of her links given below.

How do most of us (note—I’m one of the us) show emotions in our stories? Often, we use physical responses. Here are a few:

  • Sad—eyes filling with tears
  • Angry—fists clenching or slamming stuff
  • Worried—gut twisting
  • Happy—smiling, grinning, laughing, chuckling, giggling

It works, it’s easy, and it makes the point. It’s perfect.

Maybe not.

It has been said that the purpose of fiction is to evoke an emotional reaction. So let me ask you, when you read the words, “Her eyes filled with tears,” do yours? Because mine don’t. And I don’t even know what a twisting gut feels like. Those phrases may show us how your character feels, but they don’t evoke any emotions. So how do we make our readers feel along with our characters?

I don’t have a step-by-step plan. However, I have recently had an epiphany. Counselors tell us that thoughts lead to emotions, and emotions lead to actions. So what happens if you show us your characters’ thoughts and actions? Seems to me their feelings will be obvious, and you won’t need to tell us about their rumbling guts and teary eyes. And if you do it right, you can make the reader feel what your characters do. An example:

John hefted his bag and limped down the metal stairs, forcing himself not to rub that sore spot. Plenty of guys had worse injuries than his. He stared across the tarmac. A band played on the left. An array of dignitaries stood in his way. He scanned the crowd. They held signs that read Welcome home and God bless our heroes.

It was time to be a different kind of hero.

She stood beyond the suited politicians. His wife had curled her hair that day, just like he liked it. A year had passed since he’d seen her last. A year of dust and death, of protecting the innocent and chasing the guilty. A year he’d never get back.

He circled the official greeters, ignoring the protest from his colonel, and approached her. He stopped a few feet away and peered at the bundle she held in her arms. His wife shifted so he could look. Three months old. Blue eyes that looked so much like his own. Curly brown hair. The baby smiled and turned away. John returned his gaze to his wife. “He’s perfect.”

“He looks like you.”

“I’m sorry I wasn’t—”

She stepped into his arms and fell against him. “You’re here now. Home and safe. That’s all that matters.”

In that scene, we read the man’s thoughts, and we see his actions. His gut didn’t twist at the sight of those dignitaries. His heart didn’t speed up as he scanned the crowd for his wife. His eyes didn’t fill with tears when he saw his child for the first time. But he did feel something. Did you?

So how did it work? A few observations:

1-Start with a character your readers care about. I took the easy road and created a wounded hero, but I only had 200 words to work with. With an entire novel and some skill, you can make your readers care about almost anyone.

2-Let the character’s thoughts reflect his feelings. He thinks about his time overseas—“A year of dust and death…” and follows it up with, “A year he’d never get back.” Do you hear regret?

3-Give us a glimpse of the character’s desire. In this case, I added that one remark—“It was time to be a different kind of hero.” Life as he knew it was not enough for John. He wanted something more.

4-Use compelling dialog. He could have said, “Hello.” She could have responded with, “How are you?” But while those ordinary expressions are realistic, they don’t mean anything. Instead, dump all the banal stuff and make your dialog reflect your characters emotions.

5-Use feelings and snapshots to set your scene. Show the scene through the eyes of your character, so his description reflects his feelings. The dignitaries weren’t just in front of him, they “stood in his way.” He immediately looked past them to scan the crowd. And if you can think of a snapshot that resonates with readers, use it. In this case, I used a welcome home reception for soldiers. I think that touches a lot of us.

This is by no means an exhaustive list of how to charge your scenes with emotion, but it’s a start. I challenge you to go through your manuscript and find every place you’re showing emotions through physical reactions. See where you can use description, thoughts, actions, and dialog (another form of action) to evoke that emotion instead. You probably won’t be able to rid your manuscript of every tear, but maybe if your characters cry less, your readers will cry more.

DSC_8915-25ed                    robin_highres

Finding Amanda links

My website:

Robin’s Red Pen:


Thank you, Robin, for an excellent article. If you are also grateful for Robin and her work, please share this article with other writers who could get good use from it. And be sure to Comment in the section below for anything you wish to add. Again, congratulations to Robin on her release of Finding Amanda and we wish her the best of success with it.



Filed under Uncategorized

18 responses to “Showing Emotion by Robin Patchen

  1. Thanks for hosting me, Neal.

  2. Thank you! I’m in the middle of revisions and this was some much needed advice.

  3. Terri W.

    Robin, I always learn from your excellent teaching. Thanks for sharing, I’ll try and utilize those technics in my current WIP. I say try because I’m a slow learner. LOL

    I’m thrilled to see Finding Amanda release. The book is wonderful!

    • We’re all learning together. I have all this advice, but my first drafts are riddled with twisting guts and teary eyes. I’m trying to eliminate most of those, but it’s hard!

  4. Great stuff in this article, Robin. Thanks!

  5. Great article and congrats on “Finding Amanda”!! I can’t wait to read it.

  6. Great post, Robin! And congratulations on releasing Saving Amanda!

  7. Reblogged this on Lovely & True and commented:
    Wow, so many great pointers. I will definitely be using this!

  8. Pingback: Top Picks Thursday 04-09-2015 | The Author Chronicles

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s